The Lighter Side of Golf

1. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

~ Sam Snead

2. I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool.

~ George Brett

3. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula.And I took a 7 to do that.

~ Jim Murray

4. The only sure rule in golf is – he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.

~ Mickey Mantle

5. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at ‘em.

~ Kevin Costner

6. I don’t fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par.

~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

7. After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

8. The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.

~ Brian Weis

9. Swing hard in case you hit it.

~ Dan Marino

10. My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

~ Lord Robertson

11. Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

~ Jack Benny

12. There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.

~ Ben Hogan

13. Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you’re the best.

~ Jack Nicklaus

14. The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law.

~H. G. Wells

15. I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.

~ Billy Graham

16. If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.

~ Bob Hope

17. While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

~ Henny Youngman

18. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

~ Jack Lemmon

19. You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives.Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

~ Lee Trevino

20. I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.

~ Lee Trevino